Self-harm
There is a lot of stigma attached to self-harm and as such, the issue is largely misunderstood. Having worked with clients from ages 16 to 70+ I can say with confidence that self-harm is not discriminatory in who can be affected by it.
When the topic is raised outside of the therapy room, I’ve often heard people say it’s about the individual ‘attention-seeking’, being overly ‘dramatic’ or being ‘overly sensitive.’ I’ve heard ‘actor’ being used too in the past to describe people who self-harm; what I haven’t heard is the same people attempting empathy, nor surrendering judgement to look at the picture as a whole, instead of the part. For many it is a taboo subject and one that can be difficult to understand and one people fear, for me though, that seems a good enough set of reasons to find out more about it, rather than sit in prejudice.
Having witnessed clients express and describe their feelings on the issue I do find this a very emotive topic to cover, but I do so to help raise awareness and to also support SIAD (Self Injury Awareness Day) which falls on 1st March.
Let’s try and clear up some myths for those of you unsure of the facts:
What can lead to self-harm:
Extreme stress or hyper stress. If you are already very agitated and frustrated by events such as stressful situations, recent or past unresolved traumas, feel overwhelmed, feel vulnerable or exposed to threats in your environment then it can only take one further trigger to enable you to seek a way to control your situation. It will have usually been a very prolonged period of hyper stress before self-harm becomes a safety or coping behaviour.
Numbness of emotion or disassociation from feelings. This can be the result of isolation, bullying, abuse (physical and mental or emotional) not feeling heard, ignorance, or experiencing events as if they are not real- as if they are happening to someone else.
What does self-harm provide?
- Relief,
- Control when you make perceive a lack of control in your environment,
- It provides a reality to experiences instead of a disassociation,
- In relief there is a calmness (therefore a relief from stress)
- A feeling of being alive instead of numb
- A feeling of being functional instead of robotic or depressed.
Please note what self-harm is NOT providing here:
- It is not asking for attention
- It is not a drama for the individual
- It is not a role they are playing
Why does self-harm continue?
I mentioned that it can provided a relief in stress and bring a person back to functioning as well as bring back a person to their own feelings and emotions. Much like if you take a tablet to relieve a headache, you learn that the tablet removes the pain; self-harm removes the intense stress and brings a rush of chemicals round the body each time it is done. If you get frequent headaches then tablets soon cease to be as effective- the same can be said of self-harm, if the stresses continue then it takes more or greater lengths to relieve the pain a sufferer is experiencing.
If a person doesn’t feel cared for, they can tend to their injuries themselves. It is a basic was of meeting a very basic human need. It’s about that person’s perception- it may be true that they don’t have someone caring or supporting them, conversely it may be true that they have access to a very strong and caring support network- but if they don’t believe that themselves then it can be difficult for them to see that let alone reach out for help.
If individuals feel unheard or unable to express how they feel to others then self-harm behaviours can be a way of expressing feelings without having to talk or burden others, which can also be a factor in remaining silent. If the expression assists their thought processes then it can be difficult to find a comfortable substitute if they perceive they are a burden or that they are largely ignored when they do reach out for support.
In terms of control- it can be an element to self-harm, again, if there is a perceived lack of control in a person’s life them self-harm behaviours can a way of gaining control over an aspect of their life; if you desperately seek autonomy then it is hard to give it up when you do find some, regardless of the method.
Another aspect may be about punishment. If people believe they deserved bad things that happened to them and those negative events have stopped, or they believe they are a bad person for different reasons then self-harm can serve as a regulatory mechanism, they become the punisher that they feel they deserve; this can largely be connected to perceptions of body image, identity, self-esteem and confidence.
This certainly barely touches the surface of the subject but given the awareness day on 1st March and the work Lifesigns conduct I very much wanted to present some facts and begin to lift the haze on this subject. Lifesigns www.lifesigns.org.uk provide many helpful fact-sheets for those experiencing self-harm or those who suspect their loved ones may be suffering in silence. They are very useful tool for those simply seeking to be more educated on the matter too; please spread the word and help lift the stigma.
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